Musical Saphael
by blackromanceangel274
Summary: Saphael one shots based on songs, any requests or suggestions are welcome. Song will be in the book universe, other in the TV universe any spoilers will be stated before the story start. Enjoy.
1. Clary

Musical Saphael

 **Song:** (Loosely based on) Jolene by Dolly Parton

 **Summery:** Raphael is aware of Simon's feelings for Clary, despite them being in a relationship.

 **Universe:** Could be either.

 **Warnings:** Angst, sorta.

 **Other pairings:** One-sided Climon.

There was no doubt in Raphael's mind that Simon loved him. It showed in every kiss, every hug, every whisper or gasp or scream of his name. Raphael knew Simon loved him. It was obvious but Raphael also knew that Simon loved Clary. Of course he did, Simon had loved her before he even really knew what love was. Raphael wasn't sure he could compete with Clary. With her red hair, pale skin, light eyes and angel blood. What was he, a bloodsucking monster, in comparison to a shadowhunter who fought all kinds of monsters, like him, to protect the worldwoworld

Raphael looked down at Simon, sleeping next to him peacefully,blissfully. What if Clary did fall in love with Simon one day? What if she finally realised that the love of her life was disguised as her best friend all along? Raphael wasn't sure he could survive losing Simon. He wanted his lover to be happy, of course he did but losing Simon, just like he lost everyone else he ever cared about... It would tear him in half. Hurt more than the sunlight, more than a cross, more than a stack to a heart that no longer beats.

Anything that made Simon happy was worth any pain it caused but that didn't stop Rzaphael from wanting Simon to chose him over her. Was it too much to ask that the one he loved, loved him over everyone else? Maybe, it was selfish and possibly wishful thinking. Raphael thoguht often about talking to Clary, confronting her and demanding to know if she had any feelings for Simon romantically. Even if they were small because small emotions grow.

It worked for him, didn't it? He also thought about talking to Simon about his insecurities and even giving him the classic 'it's her or me' decision but that wasn't the kind of boyfriend Raphael wanted to be. He was also afraid Simon wouldn't choose him. Instead of voicing his worries he settled on just tightening his grip on Simon's waist when they were around her. As far as Raphael could tell, Simon hadn't noticed. He's have mentioned something otherwise, right?

Raphael pulled Simon a little closer, his eyes moving to the ceiling. He pushed all the thoughts of Simon leaving away as he felt the other stir beside him.

"What are you thinking about?" Simon asks, his voice quiet as if he was afraid of disturbing the peace.

Raphael turned to him, a slight smile on his face. "Nothing, Amor" he whispered back.

Sure, maybe Clary would love Simon back one day but as Simon reached up to kiss Raphael, Raphael was sure in that moment that Simon's feelings for him were stronger than his feelings for Clary.


	2. I Hate You, I Love You

Musical Saphael

 **Song:** I Hate U, I Love U by Gnash.

 **Summery:** Raphael thinks about Simon after his betrayal.

 **Universe:** Shadowhunters TV series.

 **Warnings:** Might be a little out of character, Raphael is a hard character to write and I'm no Cassandra Clare.

 **Other pairings:** Implied one-sided Climon.

Betrayal. That's what I feel now, I'm not really one to admit to my feelings but right now the feeling is so strong that I'm sure everyone can see it. I still can't believe Simon would do this to me, after everything I've done for him. I feel like it's been years since Simon left but it's only been a day; I've become a mordern day cliche. The worst part is that I miss him, after everything he did. I hate to admit it out loud but I need him. I took him under my wing, helped him control his new abilities but I need him. That's cliche too but since I'm sitting alone in my room, I don't feel so ashamed for admitting it aloud to myself.

I understand it's properly too late to admit this, now that he's gone and I totally missed my chance but I love him. Maybe that's too strong of a word since he doesn't know how I feel and I don't know if feels anything for me either. He can't if he did this. I hate that I love him, it seems wrong to love someone who hurts you. I put him above everyone else, including myself and he betrays me for her. Clary Fairchild. Of course. He's always liked her, even I know that. I can see it in his eyes everytime he looks at her. He's always wanted her and I'll never be her, even if she did forget about him from time to time and abandon him on a regular basis for nephilium boyfriend, Jack or whatever.

The Hotel's quiet, I have no idea what time it is but when Simon was here it was never quiet. Even when I was asleep I could hear him talking about something. When he was here, I missed the silence and now he's not, I miss his voice. When did I become so pathetic? I wonder if it worked out for him like he thought it would, though I'm pretty sure it didn't and I wonder if he misses me. Regrets walking out on us. I let myself care about him, I let myself get attached to him and he tore me in half.

The part I hate the most is that if I did to him what he did to me, if I only went to him when I needed something, constantly did the opposite to what said and left him for some girl that didn't care about me because she needed my help, put holes in his jackets, he'd be furious. It's not that I don't want to talk to him, I do but I'm not sure he wants to talk to me. I want to tell him to come back but I know the other vampires will never accept him back here, I want to talk to him just to hear his voice but I know I'll never be able to hang up.

I don't understand why it hurts so much, letting go shouldn't hurt if you weren't holding on. But I was holding on, wasn't I? Why else would it hurt? I'm not sure how Simon managed to break down the walls I built around heart. He managed to cut the caution tape, wrapped his hands around my heart and strangled it. He did all this without even knowing he was doing it at all and now I'm left wondering what could have happened if I'd just told him how I felt when I started to feel it.

Simon never said he wouldn't do something like this, so I guess I shouldn't be so angry or upset about it. I shouldn't have expected anything back for the kindness I showed. He's properly not missing me, he's properly not thinking about me at all but that doesn't help me to stop missing him. It only makes things worse. I control my thoughts and I should properly just stop thinking about him but I don't want to. I do but I don't. I remember looking at him and seeing him look at Clary and knowing that I'm looking at him the same way he's looking at her. Like she's the only girl he's ever seen. He never noticed how much I cared about him, did he ever notice that she didn't? Properly not, isn't love meant to be blind?

Since Simon never stops talking about pointless things, I guess in my case, love is also deaf. There's a knock at the door but I don't move, even when it opens.  
"Do you wanna talk?" Comes Lily's voice from the doorway.  
"No" I answer.  
"What are we going to do about Simon?"  
"Life goes back to the way it was before" I tell her, although that's not really a good thing, is it?  
"You don't really want that, do you?"  
"It's not my choice to make."


	3. Strange Love

Musical Saphael

 **Song:** Strange Love by Halsey.

 **Summery:** Clary asks Simon a question about Raphael.

 **Universe:** None specified.

 **Warnings:** Some mentions of sexual activity.

 **Other pairings:** N/A

"Simon" Clary says softly, unable to avoid what she'd been wanting to ask Simon for days. "Are you and Raphael dating?"

 _Simon was on the bathroom sink, Raphael's bathroom sink, and Raphael thrusting into him. Was it comfortable? Not really, but worth it. Raphael pulled his lips away from Simon's, causing the other boy to moans to be louder. Raphael smirked, his fangs growing as he moved his mouth to Simon's neck, drinking from him. Simon pulled roughly on Raphael's hair. When Raphael pulled away, Simon kissed him again, roughly, running his tongue along the outside of Raphael's lips, licking up his blood. Next it was Simon's turn to bite Raphael. There was something about drinking another vampires blood, something that had the effects of a really good drug. It gave you a high like ecstasy. Raphael's hands were in his hair, pulling so hard Simon thought it was going to be yanked off his head, leaving him bald for all eternity. He pulled his fangs out of Raphael's neck and kissed him again. It felt good when Raphael pulled on his hair. Close to his release Raphael moved his hands to Simon's hips, gripping them in tight vicious grip, nails digging into the skin, causing Simon to cry out in both pain and pleasure. When they were done Simon's head dropped onto Raphael's shoulder, Raphael kisses his head, helping Simon off the sink and walking slowly back into their room. As they lie in bed, ready to go to sleep before the sun came up, Raphael laughed a little._  
 _"Simon" he chuckled, "we just had sex on my bathroom sink."_

Simon wasn't sure he'd call it dating, they didn't really go out to restaurants or the movies.

 _The first time they had sex, Simon couldn't sleep. He had a lot of thoughts racing in his head, so many feelings. He was conflicted and confused but also tired and satisfied. How was he going to tell Clary? Was he going to tell Clary? Did he want to tell Clary? He didn't want to lie to her. A part of him was still in love with her. He saw the hopelessness of it, but he couldn't help it. Your first love is always going to have a special place in your heart. Was he even in love with Raphael? It was too early to think about that ... to say it ... to need to be able to answer it. It wasn't lying if she didn't ask, was it? She'd properly tell him he was insane. She's always blamed Raphael for what happened to him. All the shadowhuntersdid. Clary, Jace, Isabelle. She was sure Alec did too even if he didn't really care much about Simon personally. Raphael saved his life, gave them a choice, but apparently it was his fault Simon was now a vampire. He didn't have to tell them. Eventually Simon found himself in his room, on his bed, writing. He was writing a song about Raphael, about his feelings, his stupid, teenager emotions that were all over the place. Thanks puberty._

"Why do you ask?" Simon questioned, managing to keep his nerves out of his voice, his eyes on Clary, he silently prays they don't give him away.

 _Raphael walked (and sometimes talked) like he was a God, like he was almighty and everyone needed to bow and pray at his feet. He'd be horrified, irritated and confused if they did, of course, but he walked like that was what he wanted. Simon guessed that to the vampires in the Hotel Dumort, he was a God. At least their master, so Raphael had to walk like that. He was important and he was going to make sure everyone knew it._  
 _So when Clary called him one day to let him know Simon was going to be staying in the institute for a few days while he recovered from a rogue werewolf attack. Everyone was surprised when Raphael came to the institute and didn't follow them to the infirmary walking his usual I-am-a-god-bow-before-me walk. He dragged his feet, walked hurriedly, moaned at them for being too slow, moaned at them for not looking after Simon the way they were meant to.  
"Just because he's a downworlder doesn't mean that he doesn't need your protection when you go places" he muttered irritably.  
"Why do you care anyway" Jace muttered back, standing aside to let Raphael through.  
"He's a member of my clan now, I told you, vampires look after one another" Raphael answered coolly.  
Raphael stood beside Simon's bed. Simon was awake, but Clary had explained that he'd been in a daze for a few hours since waking up. Must have been some daze because when he saw Raphael, he spoke for the first time since the attack._  
 _"Are you an angel?"_

"You talk about him a lot" Clary answers, a quickly. She clears her throat. "You defend him when people say bad things about him or vampires in general."

 _A mundane woman had been found in an alley way with puncture marks, like two fangs, on her throat, completely drained of blood. Simon understood why they all jumped to the conclusion of vampires. Vampires have fangs, they drink blood. It seemed like a logical choice and it properly was a rogue vampire. However, he didn't like them walking into the Hotel Dumort and accusing every vampire they saw -besides him- of doing it. They were his clan now too, his friends, his family. The downworld was his world. When Raphael declared that it defiantly wasn't one of his vampires they were looking for, what did they do?  
"Maybe it was you?" Jace offered.  
_  
 _Even Clary was taken aback by his accusation, staring at him like he was insane. Raphael just stood there, arms crossed, leaning against the counter behind him with a smug look on his face, daring Jace to prove it.  
"You're crazy" Simon said. It had been the first thing he said since Isabelle explained what happened. "Raphael's been here all night and day. He couldn't have done it and as you know, we have our blood here in the hotel. We know the accords. No humans. We're not stupid enough to break them."  
_Everyone seemed surprised by his words.  
"We didn't come here to accuse any of you" Clary clarifies, though there was no point in denying it, even she was telling the truth. "We just wanted to know if you'd heard anything from another clan about coming here and ... draining humans."  
"We'd have told you if we had" Simon said stiffly, before Raphael could answer.

She was right and Simon knew it. Maybe she'd find out but he didn't have to tell her anything, he didn't have to tell anyone anything.  
"He'd sacrifice himself for the clan - that includes me. His world is my world too" he answered.  
Clary simply nodded, she knew there was something more to it, but she didn't push him.


End file.
